It's been almost 8 months since I know her. She was amazing, beautiful, smart, sexy and the most important things is, she can undestand me. May be we know each others just in a short times, but she filled it. She is my everything, starting from now and I hope forever. Sometimes I was wondering, how come she can know me so well, even when I am not talking, she knew. If I remembering how our journey was, I still can not believe it was real. From the first time I saw her, she never leaves my mind, even only for a second. I always wondering what is this. Is this love or what. Previously, I don't know what love is. I have to admit and honest to myself, that my heart still busy, busy for mending my broken life and she knew it. She never complain. She always there when I need a place to share my feeling. She always there just to hear my complecated problems. We met by design, I never thought that I can meet and connected so deep to her, like right now. She was so pure. First time I saw her, she gave me a shock with her beautiful appereance. I can not hide my admiration. Time flies since we met each other regulary, at least once a week. We got closer. I still remember the day when I start telling her about my life.
It was our second filming. I went to meet her in her shooting location, then I made a scenario, so I can follow her to Busan. She was attending a film festival there. Before she was boarding, I made a stupid mistake by asked her about her past relationship, and my question turned to be my backfire. In the way to Busan, when the camera off, suddenly she asked me.
"Oppa, is she really beautiful?" her question shocked me
"Who?" I was pretending to avoid her question
"Your ex girlfriend. She must be really beautiful. Is it true? The rumor outside, that your ex girlfriend is.." before she finished her sentence I stop her
"No she isn't. That girl is only a junior for me, not more." I answered it as soon as I can
"Oh..so she is not the one. But I bet your ex girlfriend is a very beautiful. I read somewhere, that you made a song right after you broke up with her. I listened it too, and it is a very touchy song, Oppa. She is so lucky, being your inspiration for the your song." Call me delusional, but somehow I feel jealousy in her voice
"That's not like that. Do you want me to make a song for you?" I teased her
She didn't answered it, but then she asked me another shocking question, "Oppa, is that true, the rumor that saying you almost suicide when you are breaking up with her?"
It takes more than a minutes to me for answering her question. I really think what I am going to say. Do I have to honest or just saying it was just a rumor. After thinking, finally I decided to tell her the truth. Maybe I am crazy, to tell my secret to a woman I just knew, but deep in my heart, I believe I can trust her. Since then, she became my ears when I needed a person to hear my problems, she became my shoulder to cry on when I need it a place to share my sadness, and she just that. Being there, supporting me and never complain.
A lot of peoples said I am mean to her. I always came to her, told her my problems, but I never do the same things to her. My selfish mind said, I am not the one who push her to listened all my problems, but deep inside my heart, I realize how lucky I am to have a beautiful partner like her. Day by day I became closer to her, and without I realize I became more rely on her. I also became more possesive. I didn't like to see her interacted with any other man, I didn't like to see her smile to any other man, but in the other hands, I can not let my past go. I still helped my ex, when she call me and need me around. I still came to her house, just to hear how suffered is her life because her new boyfriend behaviour. Most of my member and peoples who closed to me hate me because of this. They said she is not deserve to be with me. I am not good to her. She supposed to be with someone else, whose better than me. Dispite I often doing something bad to her, but she still stand beside me as well. She still smile when listen how enthusiastic I am when having a new project. She still listen when I am mad with the situation. But my heart, although I am still not realize, little by little changed. I tried not to admit it, but deep inside my heart, I know, I started to love her. I fell for her.
That day, she came late when we have shooting schedule. She came in a hury, didn't look at me, didn't said hello, but straight went to PD-nim and asking permission to short up the time, and went back earlier. During the camera on, she just do like usual, like there is nothing happend. I am tried to ask her what is going on, but she didn't gave me a satisfaction answer. She just said everything is fine and nothing to worry about. We finished filming as soon as the PD said it was enough. Just saying a simple goodbye, she went with her manager and her cordy. I feel annoyed, discomfort and angry in the same time. How come? She just ignore me and avoiding me today. I didn't know what to do, but that day, I end up by being her stalker. I followed her secretly went to one of the biggest department store, then after that I followed her again. I asked my loyal manager to drive me. Her company's car finally dropped her in one of suburb area, not far from Namsan. She went to one of the house there, Not a big house but a comfy one. I didn't see the person who opened the door. I am also didn't know whose house is it. After she went in, I asked my manager to dropped me there. Call me crazy, but I don't know why my crazy brain said that I have to knock that house door. I have to satisfied my curiosity and my insecurity. Without hestination, I push the door bell. Don't have to wait too long, I heard someone opened the door. It's really surprised me when a beautiful woman opened the door then smile warmly to me.
"Omona, you are here. Why don't you guys came together?" she smile and warmly gave me a hug
"I am sorry aunty, I think I forget to tell something to her. Can I meet her?" I am trying to find a right excuse
"Come in, let's join our celebration. Actually, today is my birthday, so she come home to celebrate it. She didn't tell you, right? Ah, naughty girl, hide something from her husband. Btw, don't call me aunty, just call me Omma, like how she call me. I always think that you are really my son in law" She smile then drag me to the living room where she and her father was sitting and preparing a cute birthday cake. She looked surprised to see me. Actually, I am afraid that she will get annoyed because of this, but I was relieved when I saw her smile. We spent dinner together, laugh together, and talked a lot. Now I knew where her warmly and opened heart came from. She was exactly like her parents, loving, understanding and sharing. I was so blashed that I can feel the warm of this family. After dinner, and have a little talked with her parents, we went to her backyard. We are holding hand in the swing together. Not talked, just holding hand tightly, but I can feel peaceful
"Sorry.. Sory that I followed you. I just can't stand it, when you are avoiding me since you came to the set. I am sorry." finally I embolden myself to start a conversation
"That's oke Oppa. No worries. I am not avoiding you. It's been several time, that I didn't come home. My mom was begging me last night to come, so I was in a hurry, since I am still have nothing to give to her." she smiled then squeeze my hand
"Your family is lovely. Thank you for accepting a unwanted guest like me tonight." I told her
"I am glad you come. Really." she smiled again. I don't know when it started, but it end up with a sweet and gentle kiss. I am blowing away that time, when my lips met hers. That was our first kiss, sweet and gentle one, I really can't forget it.
Since that time we are getting closer and closer, but I still don't know whether this is love or not. The one that I know, I became more possesive, more jealous and more insecure if it is related to her. As usual, she never complained with my behaviour. She is so patient. In the other hands, my ex girlfriend, I think she realize that my attention to her reduced little by little. She is became more demanding. Sometimes, she called me in the middle of the night, crying and asking me to come to comfort her. Stupid me, I still come. When I am busy to comfort my ex, I am trying so hard not to reduce my attention to her, but I am sure she knew. She knew that my attention is devided. But as usual, she didn't complained at all. She still always there, support me and listened to me. Since our show was temporary stop, we keep ourselves to meet regulary at least once a week. I always tried to make it as much as I can, but because of my ex, I can not accomplised it. Until that disaster day happened. That day, I've promised to have a lunch with her, but suddenly, my ex called me and cried, begging me to meet. I have to lied to her to cancel our lunch date. I told her that I have an urgent event to replace one of my member. She said oke, and said she was understand since I am a busy person. When my ex told me how suffered she is and beg me to comeback to her, suddenly she was there. She was there with her best friends. She looked so surprised, but she can handle the situation quickly. She smiled, then saying hallo without showing how dissapointed she was. I tried to came and talk to her, but my ex banned me and threaten me. I can not do anything, but I can not take my eyes over her. She was finished her lunch as soon as she can, then without saying goodbye to me, she is leaving. After that tragedy, she was gone. I can not contacted her. I asked her manager, he told me that she suddenly took a break and saying will go for a week. I came to her parents house, she was not there. They told me she went with her best friend for a holiday. They looked so surprised, when I came to find her. They thought she told me where she go. I have to lied to them and told them that my phone was broke, so might be she can not contact me. It's been a long crazy week for me, until finally she answered my phone. As soon as she was answering my call, I came to her apartment. She opened the door, her eyes swollen, but she let me in.
"I am sorry." that was the first word that came from me
"No need to say sorry Oppa. I understand. It was my fault though. I am the one who hope that you will stay with me, but that day, I completely realize that you are not for me. So, no need to say sorry Oppa." She hold my hand when saying that
"Don't leave me. I need you beside me." I am crying
"I am sorry. I can't Oppa. It's too hard and too painful to me. I need a time to fix my heart too. I promise you,I'll be there as soon as I can." she also cried
"Don't do this..Please.." I was begging her
"Oppa, promise me. Promise me that if you already manding your broken life before me, you'll come to me as a new person. I am still here Oppa, but I need a time to myself. I promised you, I'll be here, waiting for you and giving you a time. A time to fix, a time to decide. I love you Oppa." she kiss me slowly then went to the door and open it for me. Before I go, I heard she said "Don't call me and please don't find me, until you are sure. Thank you for being with me Oppa." she smiled then closed the door. That time, I was really lost, don't know how to react. That night like the end of the world for me. Something hit me. I need her and I can not live without her. My life suddenly empty. I realize that I ruined everything. It's too late now. I just thrown a way the best things in my life.
My life seems so boring after that tragedy. I killed my time with worked, worked and worked. I work out every night like there is no tomorrow. I spent my day only for work and practicing, since we are in the middle of our world tour, and also preparing a new album. Until one month after it, one of my member told me that he met her in one of the famous restaurant. She was there with her manager, while my member was there for a meeting. I was angry and jealous in the same times. How come he can meet her, while she refused to meet me. I know it was coincidence, but I am still annoyed
"Why don't you call me as soon as you meet her?" I asked him in annoyed tone
"I texted you Hyung. It's impossible for me to call you in front of her." my member tried to convince me
"I know. As soon as she knew that you call me, she will run away." finally my tone is lower
"She is just like you. She also suffered, same like you. She is so skinny, Hyung. I can see the shadow of her swollen eyes. She must as hurt as you are." he convince me
"I don't know how to do. I am trying so hard to contact her. I sent her a message almost everyday, until now. I told her so many times that I miss her so much, I need her so much, but she didn't answered. I go crazy, but I don't have a courage to meet her. I am afraid that she will refuse me." I cried
"Hyung, what exactly did she said to you that night?" he tried to ask me carefully
"She said don't come to her until I can sattle my feeling, until I am sure that she is the one. She said it's enough for her to pretend that she feel nothing for me since it's hurt her.But she said she will wait for me to come to her again. Oh my God I am so stupid. I thrown away everything."
"Hyung, you miss her don't you? You feel like you are in hell when she is not around. You miss her smile, you miss her presence next to you. Even God gave you a clear vision whose you have choose by showing you a lot of things. So, it means you love her Hyung. Grab her. I know she is the one since I saw both of you in your first meeting. She is the one who will complete you. She is not the one your unintended. Might be she is your unintended in the first place, but she is the one who you always love. Trust me Hyung. I know you for more than 10 years. Grab her Hyung, convince her, told her how much you love her. I am sure, she will accept you, like her promise." the words from my member hit me. I grab my jacket and went to meet her. Before I open my dorm door, I hugs him as a thank you
"I owe you this. Thank you for open my eyes and thank you for convince me." then I went with smile
She is there, inside her apartment when I arrived. Before I went to her apartment, I called her manager, to make sure where she is. She opened the door without saying a word, only smile. As soon as I was in her living room, she hugs me. I was so surprised, but then I hugs her back. Feels like heaven, only with a warm hugs and her smile. We didn't say a word, only hugs each other, but it's enough
"Thank you." finally she whisphered in the middle of our hugs
"I was the one who supposed to say thank you. Thank you for being you, thank you for everything you've done to me. I love you. I am sorry it takes time to realize it. I am sorry because when you were beside me, I am still busy with my past life before you. But now, I promise you with all my heart, I'll be there for you, I will protect you with all my life. Please, don't say no. I need you. This past two months is like living in a hell without you. I love you, believe me and please, don't leave me." I slowly lower my head and landing my lips in her beautiful, sweet and sexy lips.
"Oppa, thank you. Thank you for being with me. I love you too." She smiled while cried
"Listen, the first time I saw you, you could be my unintended, that coming in the middle of my messy life to fix it. You bring back a light in my life without I realize. You bring back the warm in my heart. I am sorry that I make you cry, I am sorry that I hurt you. But losing you, made me realize that I can not live my life without you. From now on, I hope until forever, You are the one that I always love. My Sora." and then I kissed her again, now not a sweet gently kiss but demanding and passionate kiss.
She might be the one that I don't want before, but now she is my everything..My life..My breath..My Love..My Sora..