It's been two weeks since she discharged from the hospital. She already at home now, she even will start to continue her film project tomorrow. Leeteuk is leaving with her now. He got a permission to do the army like public service officer do. He go to the army base early in the morning and come back home right after office hours finished.
Honestly she really thankful to him and that made her more falling to him.. but the other hand, she also feel sorry for him.. sorry because he have to bear to her pain also.
She still remembered word by word that the Doctor told her. She also remembered everything when she found out how her real condition is..
"How're you feeling Kang Sora-ssi?" the Doctor asked her
"I am feeling better Doc, much better. Feel like reborn again." Sora smiled
"Good, I think you can go back home tomorrow. You don't get head traumatic, but honestly I have to tell your condition." the Doctor a little bit hesitated and take a glance on Leeteuk and Leeteuk only smile and hold Sora's hand tighter
"Oppa, is that something wrong? Everything oke, right Oppa." Sora asked him confusedly
"Sora, listen to me. Everything that you will hear, just trust me. Everything was fine.. I love you whatever it is. I love you and won't let you go. Oke Princess." Leeteuk tried to smile and kiss her lips lightly
"Oppa, something bad happened in me right? Right Doctor?" Sora got more confused
"Ehm, Kang Sora-ssi, because of the accident, you lost your babies. You are 9 weeks of pregnant. Beside that, we also have to take one of your ovarium. The damage ovarium made you bleeding, and you lost a lot of blood because of it. If we're not taken that one, you can die that time, and with your husband permission, we take it." The Doctor tried to explain it delicately
"So, you mean I only have one ovarium now?" Sora still confused. She didn't realize that she squeze Leeteuk hand
"Yes Mam." the Doctor answered her carefully
"Oppa, everything was fine right? Although I only have one ovarium, everything was fine right?" Sora's voice started to tremble
"Everything was fine darling, like I said everything was fine." Leeteuk smiled and kissed her tample
"You're still young Kang Sora-ssi. You will get another twins. Just keep it try. And you are very lucky to have a husband like him. He never leave you, during your crisis period." the Doctor told her and smiled to her
"Thank you Doc." Sora smiled to him
After the Doctor gone, Sora asked her husband about her true condition
"Oppa, is everything really oke?" Sora started to get worry
"Everything just fine Princess. Do you believe me right? When I said everything fine means everything really fine. Got it?" Leeteuk smiled
"Oppa, thank you. Thank you for being you." She smiled and kiss her other half palm
"Now, take a nap for a while darling. You still need to take a rest." Leeteuk asked her to sleep
When she sleep, Leeteuk father came to see her. Honestly, Sora is a little bit awaken that time, but she still feel sleepy. Something that Leeteuk don't know was she heard the conversation between father and son
"How long did she already sleep?" Mr Park asked his son
"About one hour, why? I am the one who asked her for sleep." Leeteuk feel there's something wrong behind his father question
"I want to tell both of you about something, something realistic actually." Mr Park told him strictly
"What, you can tell me. She still need a rest." Leeteuk started to feel suspicious
"Oke Jung Su. Is it true that she can not have another child because of the accident? I heard that from In Young." His father was straight to the point
"No, It's wrong. She still can. Why?" Leeteuk started to be defensive
"Just honest to yourselves Jung Su. Don't denied it. One thing you have to know, I think you should asked her permission to get another woman. Maybe you don't have to love that woman, but at least you can have a successor. I need a successor Jung Su." His father told him
"Finish Dad? Maybe you have to go now. Don't make me push you to go." Leeteuk hold his anger to her own father
"Jung Su listen, I know she's beautiful, but what the woman means if she can not deliver a baby? Please, open your eyes, this is reality." his father insisted
"Don't make me yelling to you. Just go Dad, before I lost my patience." Leeteuk whispering. He didn't want Sora heard any single words from his father
"Oke, but still, please think about it." his father told him
"My life is none of your business Dad. Just go. I think, I didn't have to show you the exit door." Leeteuk told him
Suddenly her phone rang, Leeteuk number was show there
"Darling, where are you? I am at home, but you still not here."
"Oppa, I am just walk near the riverside. I think I need a fresh air." Sora told him to eliminate his worried
"Ah, go home quickly darling, or just stay there, I will pick you up. I miss walking near the Han River with you though." Leeteuk voice is so excited
"I don't think you need to go here Oppa. I am going home now, just wait me at home oke. Btw, what do you want for dinner. I don't have a time to cook today, do you want me to buy something on my way home Oppa?" Sora asked him.
"Everything that you take, I will eat it happily. Just go home now Sora-ya, I miss you." Leeteuk asked her to come
"Oke Oppa, just wait."
"Oppa.. this is the food, where're you?" Sora was yelling right after she arrive at their house, but there's no answer. Suddenly Leeteuk came from bathroom, only with his pajamas pants without the shirt. He just finished taking his bath. Looking his Baby Princes preparing food at the table, he can not hold himself not to hold her from the back
"Where have you been. Didn't know that I miss you so much?" Leeteuk told her while starting kissing her neck
"Oppa, stop it. I have to wash myself first." Sora tried to stop her husband
"It's oke, your smell still very good. I love it." Leeteuk still tried to seduce her.
"Oppa, please..Don't.. I'm tired" Sora refused him and then when to their bedroom and close the door
"Anything Princess. I'll be waiting until you're ready." Leeteuk told to himself
At the bedroom, Sora crying silently. She really sorry to her husband. Leeteuk already do the best things that he can do to make her sure, that everything was fine, nothings change. But, that's not for her. In this past two weeks, she is avoiding him. Sora really didn't how to act in front of him, especially after she heard the conversation at the hospital that time. She feel that she is not worth enough for her other half. She knew that Leeteuk love her, she love him very much and she knew that actually she can not live without him, but she really need a time to think.
"Sora-ya.. Darling.. Are you oke? Let's have dinner before the food went cold." Leeteuk suddenly came to the room.
"Ah Oppa, I just take a rest for a while. Can you wait for me after I finish taking a bath? But if you hungry, just eat first Oppa." Sora tried to smile for hiding her tears
"It's oke darling. I am waiting for you." Leeteuk smiled. He tried so hard to pretend not seeing that she just cry
Right after finished cleaning the table Sora went to the bedroom, and pretended sleeping. Leeteuk gave her space, by giving a time for her to prepare herself. After 30 minutes, he came to bedroom and placing himself right behind her. He hold her waist tightly and close his eyes
"Oppa, I can't, I'm tired." Sora tried to pulled out herself
"Sst Baby Princess, that's oke, I just want to hugs you. I promise I am doing nothing. Just sleep darling.. Just sleep." Leeteuk tried to comfort her
30 minutes later, Sora found out that Leeteuk already fall a sleep. She looked at his baby face. He's smiling when he sleep, made her fall again and again to him. She hold herself not to kiss him, but she failed. She miss this man so much. She missed his kiss, his touch, everything, but she can't. She can not make love with him when she's not sure with herself.
Sora played with leeteuk face, She kiss his face, nose, and his tins lips smoothly. Finally she end up with kissing his forehead..
"Oppa, I love you.. I am sorry too, but trust me, I love you so much, no one else." She whispering in her husband ears.
"I didn't mean to push you out. You know Oppa, I need a time to think, I need a space. Everything happen so sudden. I am not ready actually. You know Oppa, If I am acting that I am oke, trust me that was just an act, I am totally broken. What I have to do Oppa?? I am confused." She didn't realize that she start cried
"You know Oppa, I really want to share what I feel to you, but It will make harder for you. I don't want to do that Oppa. I know you are tired enough for me." She keeps whispering while her hand touching her other half face
"You know what I feel now Oppa? I think you're too good for me. I am nothing for you Oppa and I think I'm not worthy enough for you. What I supposed to do? I don't know with whom I supposed to share this. This is too hard for me." She keep talking and her tears keep going harder
"Please help me Oppa, help me and teach me how to hold my heart. I love you"
"Oppa.. I love you, please understand me, what ever I do, I do it only for the shake of your kindness. I love you." She slowly kiss his lips..
Right after she kiss him, she left the bed to the bathroom and that time Leeteuk wake up and remove his tears that he tried so hard to hold..
"Trust me Sora, I love you too, let me help you.." He talked to himself and pretend to sleep again when he heard Sora came back
Meanwhile, Sora feel a little relieve after pouring her little sadness. She didn't expected that Leeteuk heard what she said, but what she feel is truly from the bottom of her heart. She love this man a lot, but she's really in her big dilemma now. The other hand she wants to spent her whole life with him, but the other hand she didn't want him to bear with her pain..
She feel that she needs to do something immediately..
(***to be continued***)
The Video of Sara Bareilles-Hold My Heart
HOLD MY HEARTby Sara Bareilles